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Anguish
This is Chapter Eleven of [[Anguish & Desire|'Danganronpa: Anguish & Desire']], Loving Time!. In this chapter, Ken explores his relationships with both Rai and Yuka; also, an unexpected person comes forth to prove their worth to the group. Author's Note: "Even if people don't acknowledge you, you just have to be someone that you can be proud of! Cuz...you yourself are your biggest supporter! If you can learn to love yourself... That love will continue to support you for the rest of your life." - Usami. ---- My heartbeat is faint as I’m consumed by the darkness. My body can’t stop shaking -- is it because of the draft that’s coming through the slightly open door or because I’m just so nervous. I should’ve expected this when I decided to traverse the school at this hour... There are so many things I regret right about now. For example, why did I go out past the nighttime announcement? The lights automatically turn off, and, so does the heater that’s located in the laundromat -- it gets fucking cold here at night. That being said, I also regret not wearing my jacket...why on earth did I come out here with just my plain white tee. I wonder how Yuka is doing, right about now. We were together when it happened and we had to scatter. I told her to run left and to split up so they couldn’t chase the two of us, but, look where that got me...all alone and with an ever-so-increasing heartbeat. The second that a faint tapping sound is heard from down the hall, my heart-rate spikes. Is that you, Yuka? Or is it… ...oh god, please no. Should I make a run for it? N-No, I shouldn’t. They’re too close now to just...run. I just have to hope that they pass by me. The footsteps get louder and louder -- the crack through the closet door is too miniscule to actually take a peek -- and the only other thing I can hear and feel is in my chest. I don’t have the best hearing or eyesight -- it’s a long story -- but my other senses are pretty sharp...and I can feel the presence of a figure standing directly on the opposite side of the door of the closet I’m in. Maybe I should aim for their legs? It’s too late for me to stand up...I risk making too much noise. “Fuckin’ idiot.” W-What?! The closet door suddenly opens, and I’m stuck staring up at Madoka Nakata. Her arms are now crossed, her hazel eyes stare deep within my soul, her black tank top and her black hair are both messy, her black short shorts look like they were thrown on in a hurry. … Is it just me, or does she look mad? She bends her legs so she’s eye-leveled with me. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I can feel my lips creep upwards...I can’t help it, I smile when I get nervous. “W-Well, you see, uhm...I’m sorry...?” She suddenly reaches forward and grabs my wrist. She pulls me up to my feet -- I don’t have my contacts in at the moment, so the sudden force amidst how blurry everything is, almost tips me over again. “N-Nakata, please, I’m s-sorry! I won’t break the nighttime rule again, I promise!” She ignores me, and, doesn’t let go of my wrist. Instead, she drags me down the stairs and back to the dorm...more specifically, my own room. Once she opens the door to my room...I feel defeated. Yuka and Rai are on their knees, looking to the ground -- they both look so dejected. In the corner of my room, Saishi stands as well, shaking his head as Nakata forces me to my knees next to Rai, who shakes their head as well. “So,” Nakata suddenly says, and almost as if on-cue, the three of us all raise our heads to look up at both Saishi and Nakata. “Tell me, what the fuck were you three doing up this late?” “W-Well, uhm…” Rai starts, but quickly trails off, looking to Yuka for help, who only shakes her head. “We were investigating!” “Investigating what?” “T-The school!” N-Nice save, Rai! “Really?” “Yes!” “Okay, then, explain to me this,” Nakata continues, pacing back and forth whilst Saishi looks on in silence. “Why did I find Rai all alone, going, ‘Yuka, Ken, where did you goooo’?” “We split up to investigate!” Yuka exclaims, nodding her head. “That’s exactly it!” “Then, how come I found you watching Rai from the staircase, snickering, saying, ‘No one will ever find me, I’m the master of hide and seek,’?” S-Shit… Yuka quickly shuts her mouth. “Seriously, you three are such children.” Nakata says, sighing. “First, you guys break the rules, second, you do it for such a childish reason, and third, you’re now lying about it?” “You three are lucky that you didn’t make yourself easy targets for murder--!” Saishi nearly yells. “And you’re also lucky that Nakata got me before she went and found you or else she would’ve tortured you…!” “We’re sorry,” I quickly spit out. “It won’t happen again, promise.” “It better not!” Saishi says. “Seriously...I didn’t realize we needed to babysit you guys!” He turns to Nakata, bowing his head to her. “Thank you for finding them and coming to me!” “Of course,” she says. “Sorry to wake you.” He chuckles. “No worries! It would’ve been worse if you did this all on your own!” With that, Saishi turns and leaves my room. Once the door closes behind him, Nakata’s eyes sharpen again. S-She’s actually terrifying. “Ken. Yuka. Kitoaji.” “Y-Yes?!” Why is her voice so malicious--? “Remember back when we made the rule, Saishi said that it was my job to enforce the nighttime rule?” I can hear Yuka gulp from where I am, followed by a meek. “Yes.” “Well, all I’ll say now, is that the three of you better be ready for training in the morning. I’ll be back to pick you all up.” “S-She’s gonna kill us...” Rai says. “...It’ll be chaos…” Yuka continues. “...It’s gonna be a massacre.” I finish. “Good, now that that’s all done with,” Nakata says, turning away from us. “It’s about time I go back to my room.” “G-Good night,” Rai mumbles. As Nakata closes the door behind her, I can’t help but wonder how she found out that we weren’t in our rooms, though. Was she also breaking the nighttime rule? Or, did she hear us from her room? No, that’s impossible. All of the rooms are soundproof. Yuka sighs loudly, jumping back onto my bed. “That was so much fun though! Why did she have to ruin it for us?” “W-We were breaking the rule, Yuka,” Rai sighs, rising to their feet, and I quickly follow suit. “And, it was kinda scary.” “I thought I was about to have a heart attack,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Especially after Nakata found me...I thought she was gonna murder me right then and there.” “She thought I was a killer at first,” Rai frowns, sitting in front of Yuka on my bed. “I thought she was about to take my head off.” The three of us collectively sigh, and I sit down next to Rai. “Now that we’re here, we might as well have a sleepover though!” Yuka exclaims, crawling underneath the blanket. “Ooh I should’ve brought candy and confetti and games!” “A sleepover?” Rai asks, tilting their head. “What for?” “Big Brother Ken promised, so, it’s happening! We can share secrets and gossip and do all the sleepover stuff!” Rai looks from Yuka, back to me. “I don’t see why not!” “Oh, fine…” I say, and, soon enough the three of us are all lying back on my bed, under the warm and comfy blankets. I don’t know how I ended up in the middle of the two, but, here we are. Luckily, the bed is quite spacious, so “So, where do we start?” Rai asks, and I shrug my shoulders. “Oh, I know, I know!” Yuka exclaims, turning onto her side to face us. “The best way to learn about someone and open up to people is to rip it open -- like a bandaid!” “What does that even mean?” Rai asks. “That means we gotta start with the hard-hitting questions!” she pauses, tilting her head. “Big Brother Ken, what is your deepest most darkest secret?!” T-That’s a lot to ask of someone--! “Good question, Yuka!” Rai exclaims, also turning on their side to face me. “That is not a good question!” I exclaim. “Secrets are secrets for a reason.” Plus, my deepest darkest secret is really nothing special...just that I’ve been trying -- although, to no avail -- how weak I am. How I used to be bullied, how I changed everything about me to be accepted, how I don’t feel comfortable here and in my own body. I want to be stronger...and, my training with Nakata hasn’t been doing me any favors, if anything I just have a higher tolerance for pain. Yuka pouts. “Fine, Big Brother Ken.” “Let’s start with something lighter, then,” Rai says, nodding. “Like, what was the most embarrassing thing to happen to you?” Well...there was that one time one of my upperclassmen took a bunch of pictures of me in the locker room and spread them around my middle school...I won’t mention that. Other than that... “When we first got here, when Yosano was so protective of me,” I say, smiling to myself. “She thought I was a girl and stopped Obinata from picking on me...gosh once I realized that I was so embarrassed I cried.” “That sounds like Big Sister Chie,” Yuka says, smiling. “She was always so like that. For me though, at one of the clubs I was performing at, I asked for pop and they put some weird stuff in it and I got so sloppy…” … “Did they spike your drink?” Rai asks. Yuka shrugs her shoulders. “All I know is that it was the worst performance of my life!” “What about you, Rai?” I ask, turning my head to face ‘em. “I don’t know if you can tell, Ken, but it’s quite hard to make me embarrassed.” “Really?” I ask. “That’s a lie!” Yuka exclaims. “Rai gets embarrassed so easily! You just have to tease them!” “That’s not true!” Rai nearly shouts, puffing their cheeks out. “W-Whatever, the most embarrassing thing in my life are my parents. Every single person I meet or befriend they scare away with their weirdness...which is why I didn’t have any friends before coming here.” Rai was friendless before he came here? That’s so hard for me to believe...Rai is super sweet and cute and funny and... “When we get out of here, you can bring us back to your home, we won’t run away!” I say. Rai giggles, nodding their head. “I know you won’t.” “See, we aren’t even dating yet, and we’re already discussing meeting the parents.” … Did I just say ‘yet’? “Yuka didn’t sign up to be the third wheel!” Yuka exclaims from behind me. “Geez, you two…” “Sorry, Yuka,” Rai says, smiling. “So, what about you two? What’s your family like?” “I don’t really have a family,” Yuka mumbles. “I mean, sure I had ‘family’, but...not actually a family.” Yuka…? “What about you, Big Brother Ken?” My family? My mom and Touka… Sure we bickered -- most families do -- but we were close. As close as we could be, given the circumstances. I love them with all my heart. “Well, I have a very sweet mom and the most adorable little sister ever,” I say, nodding my head. “Touka really wanted to come to Hope’s Peak as well. She has big dreams.” I wanted to say I’d do anything for them -- but, could I really? I wouldn’t AND couldn’t kill to ensure Touka escaped wherever MonoMech had them… W-Wait a minute. “What’s wrong, Ken?” Rai asks, leaning closer in. “You got all quiet and pale.” “I-I’m fine,” I say, turning away from Rai. “Well, let’s get back on topic!” Yuka exclaims. “So, Big Brother Ken, Rai...who do you like?!” Rai gasps. “W-What?!” The night continued like that, up until both Yuka and Rai fell asleep, and sandwiched me in the middle of their warm bodies. Aside from the subtle teasing from Yuka, and the happiness that flowed out of Rai’s body, one thing kept on my mind. Tani’s band members...I can’t remember their names. They were executed by two men. Does that mean that some large criminal syndicate kidnapped us -- a gang, maybe? -- or the people who were kidnapped...are they also in this school somewhere? W-We really got mixed up with some scary shit--! “Go to sleep, Ken,” Rai mumbles, and it’s only then that I realize Rai -- with half-open, sleepy eyes -- was staring at me. “You keep shaking...are you sure you’re okay?” I nod. “Y-Yeah, sorry,” I whisper. “I’m just a little cold.” “Then come ‘ere,” Rai whispers, and, their arms wrap around my back. With a sudden movement, Rai pulls my body closer to them, and my head ends up in the crease of their neck. As if on cue...my body stops shaking. “Better?” “B-Better…” I can feel my face getting warmer, but why… ...why do I feel so comfortable in Rai’s arms? Back when we first met, when I was so paranoid and scared...Rai’s touch saved me. But, why?! I get antsy whenever Touka strokes my hair...it skeeves me out. But now, and after Tani was executed...why does being with Rai make me so happy? I don’t get it...I don’t understand it. B-But, why? Why does my chest hurt so much? Why can’t I stop thinking about it? Why does nothing in this place make sense to me anymore? I...I want this to be a dream. Just a very, very bad dream. But...I also want this to mean something. We’ve been going through so much together -- as friends -- and my relationship with Yuka, Rai, Azama, Nakata...I don’t want it to be fake. I don’t want my time here to be for nothing...but I don’t anyone else to die. This is my problem...I can barely make sense of my own emotions. My own internalized feelings, I don’t even know what they mean. I want this to be real AND I want this to be a dream? Does that make any sense. Rai’s hand suddenly goes up my back and into my hair. “Shh, Ken, it’s fine.” I’m sorry, Rai. I must be such an annoyance to you, aren’t I? Even if I just...want to help you. I want to get out of here with everyone, but maybe I’m just not cut out for this. I’m a nuisance, I’m weak...the only thing I have going for me is that I WANT to help...but I’m not sure if I can. With those lingering feelings of doubt, in Rai’s warm arms, I finally drift off to sleep. When I woke up, wrapped in Rai’s arms and with Yuka pouting in the corner because she got no love and was mad that she had to be the third wheel, Nakata was already ready to take us over to for our ‘training’. The ‘training’ was...pretty horrible, today. It wasn’t much training but rather a Nakata death course. None of us were ready to go through a real-life mercenary training course...it was too much. And, naturally, here we are in the dining hall, eating breakfast together. I had made Yuka, Rai, and myself some eggs and chopped onions -- something my mom used to make before she got sick. “Nakata’s scary when she’s mad…” Yuka complains, her head resting on the dining hall table...right next to mine. “Big Brother Ken, why couldn’t you get us out of there?! Aren’t you close to her?” “You guys did break the rules, though.” Sasada says, who is sitting in front of Saishi, and beside Rai. “Let this be a lesson.” “Yes ma’am,” Rai says, sighing. “Remember, breaking the rules is strictly prohibited,” Sasada continues, twirling her hair as Saishi, Nakata, and Tomori watch. “If those were one of MonoMech’s rules, you would’ve been--” And, as if waiting for his cue, *he* showed up. MonoMech’s small figure jumps up onto the table next to Tomori -- who naturally leans away from him, toward Sasada -- and starts twirling around on one foot, like a ballerina. “BEATEN! BLUDGEONED! EXECUTEEDDDDD!” he yells, before stopping himself in his tracks, looking upon the seven of us. “NO ONE ESCAPES! I’M ALWAYS WATCHINGG -- SO DON’T BREAK ANY OF MY RULES!” “We’ll be fine as long as we don’t intentionally damage any school property or attack you, right?” Tomori asks, tilting her head. “DON’T FORGET THE RULE ABOUT KILLING,” MonoMech continues, stomping his feet. “IF YOU KILL THREE STUDENTS OR MORE, YOU GET EXECUTED!” “I don’t believe we’ll have to worry about that third part,” Nakata says. “It’s hard enough to kill one person, let alone three.” “Says the trained killer…” Tomori says, shrugging her shoulders. “Still, is that the only reason why you’re here?” MonoMech looks down, almost as if he was dejected, and put his arms behind his back...I don’t know if I like this. “Well, I was going to see if you guys were ready for the second motive, but...it looks like it’ll have to wait! Drama! Drama everywhere!” Drama? What drama? Everyone’s been...relaxed, since Tani’s execution. Unless he’s talking about… “Well, time to run!” With that, our headmaster started to half-waddle, half-run out of the dining hall. “He gives me a headache,” Yuka complains. “I’m totally going to have a fear of stuffed animals when we get out of here…” I nod my head. I’m going to have to throw out LiZa, my stuffed polar bear when we get out of here. Last thing I need is for that thing to come alive and destroy my life. “Still, what did he mean by drama?” Sasada asks. “Is he talking about the two factions?” Factions? Well, when she puts it like that it’s kind of...odd, but yeah, now that she mentions it… ...two social groups has kinda grown since Tani’s trial. On one side, there’s Rai, Yuka, Nakata, Saishi, Sasada, Tomori, Satoshi, and myself. Rai, Yuka, Saishi, Sasada, and I are basically your ideal students. We care for others, we (for the most part) follow the rules, and we try not to cause waves. Tomori and Satoshi, on the other hand, seem to have taken a liking to us -- for what reason, I don’t know -- and Nakata hangs around us because the only people she really talks to is Rai, Saishi, and myself. But then you have Obinata, Shiho, Nakamoto, Shimazaki, and Azama on the other side. While I don’t have any problems with Nakamoto or Azama -- I like them quite a bit, actually -- the other three are the problem. Obinata has Nakamoto and Shimazaki wrapped around his thumb, and, you never see the three split -- not to mention Obinata’s hateful attitude toward Saishi, Sasada, and I. Shiho is just an ass, plain and simple, and his actions during the class trial and afterward disgust me...I just wish Azama would stop worrying about him and see that he’s dangerous. And, last but not least, is Shiomi. Ever since the class trial two days ago, I haven’t seen him. I’m scared to approach him or try to help him...I really, really just don’t know what to say to him. Where is Yosano when you need her…? “That reminds me, has anyone seen Satoshi?” Tomori asks. “He took off right after we all ate,” Sasada mumbles. “Something about ‘needing some time to himself’, or something.” “Well, I don’t blame him,” Saishi says. “It’s been a rough couple of days for us all, after all!” Yeah, there’s no denying that...we could all use a bit of rest. After breakfast, I retreated back to my room. The days in here can go by slowly, and, I really, really don’t feel like doing sitting here and doing nothing today… ...maybe I’ll go see who’s around. See who I could talk to. The first person I came across once I left my room was Shiho, who was wandering the hallways, pacing back and forth in front of Azama’s room...but I REALLY don’t wanna even bother trying to talk to him; and, to be honest, I don’t really care what he’s up to. So, I went to the gym, and to my surprise, Nakata and Saishi were nowhere to be found...instead, Shimazaki was there, all alone, stretching. Her messy ginger hair is held back in a ponytail, and she’s wearing a black sports bra and gym shorts...and, for the first time, I notice how...fit she is. She’s toned as fuck and her abs are defined than Nakata’s... As the gym doors close behind me, she looks up from the ground at me. Her hazel eyes stare directly into my green eyes. “Oh, Greenie!” she exclaims, throwing her hand into the air. “Play! Play!” Play? I don’t find the need to argue, so, I briskly walk over to her, and she nods, excitedly. “Will you be my gym buddy today?!” she asks, excitedly grabbing my hands. “Naka and Obi refuse to work out with me -- I need help!” My body is still so sore from this morning’s exercise with Nakate...I’d really rather not. “Y-Yeah! I’d love to!” I hate myself. “Ohmygoshthankyou!” she exclaims, before releasing my hands and placing them on her hips. “First up, we gotta stretch! That’s the most important part of a workout!” Well, she’s not wrong. So, I spent most of today stretching and working out with Shimazaki. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was...way too tiring and I feel like absolute death. My heart is beating irregularly; I can’t stop wiping the sweat from my forehead as I rest on the mat...I’m never exercising again. Shimazaki sits next to me, smiling and nodding to herself. “Let’s go again, Greenie!” Oh god, please no. “L-Later..?” “Of course, of course!” she exclaims. “I don’t wanna kill you!” ...thank god. “I’m surprised though, Shimaz--” “Nope -- drop the formality! Call me Mio.” Hooka? S-Sure. “Okay, Mio,” I say, sitting up. “I’m surprised still, you’re really fit.” “Well, of course! I’m the Ultimate Arson, after all! I got sent to juvie once...or twice, and the gym called to me!” “You got arrested?” I ask, and she enthusiastically nods. “Yup! I accidentally lit an old warehouse on fire and left one of my gas cans behind...the stupid thing had my name on it!” T-That’s way too messy! “Still, this whole thing is new to me,” she continues. “In juvie I was only surrounded by girls, and I couldn’t get along with any of them...this place isn’t much different, is it?” “W-Well, it’s not like we did anything wrong to get here,” I say. “I think it’s more like a twisted summer camp…” She chuckles, wiping some sweat away from her forehead. “It’s not really much different, though. We’re all trapped here, anyone can die at any moment...it’s SUPER scary and exciting!” “I don’t think it’s all that exciting, Mio,” I say, looking away from her. “I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.” “That kind of attitude will get you killed, Greenie!” she exclaims. “Adaptability is a must in this kind of world!” I don’t wanna ‘adapt’, though...I don’t wanna live life in fear or in anticipation of one of my friends being killed off. “It’s just a big something to think about!” she finishes. “To trust or to distrust -- that’s the kind of world this is!” “But what about you?” “Hmm?” “Why do you trust Obinata and Nakamoto, then? Wouldn’t it be easier for you to avoid everyone?” Mio pauses, and I look back up to her. “I don’t TRUST anyone -- they’re just fun to play with! The second you let your guard down is the second you become vulnerable! Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself!” ...I’m not sure I follow. She rises, wiping her thighs as she does so. Her bright smile never leaves her side -- even if she was talking about something so dark. “Think on it, Greenie! Don’t get too attached to anyone -- you’ll end up crying again!” Why do I get the feeling she’s smarter than what she lets on…? “Ken-chi...” “W-What, Nakamoto?” Why did it end up like this? I was on my way back to my room after working out with Mio, when Nakamoto stopped me and literally dragged me back to his surprisingly clean room. He’s pinning me against his door, his face only centimeters away from mine. His eyes are sharp, he’s frowning slightly, but there’s no bloodlust -- I don’t think he’s dangerous. “Everyone’s so upset, dude...I needed to talk to someone sane.” “I’m sane?!” “W-Why do you sound so surprised, dude?” He sighs and releases me from his grasp -- I take a deep breath as I fall to my knees. “I-I’m sorry, Ken-chi.” “It’s fine,” I say, waving him off. “I’m just feeling a bit…” “...weak?” Well, I was going to say ‘tired’, but that’s definitely more accurate. I only nod, and he drops onto his butt across from me. “Tell me about it, Ken-chi. This happy front everyone is putting up is driving me insane -- it’s not genuine...and I wanna change that.” “But, how -- and why me?” Nakamoto shrugs his shoulders. “You have a way with people, dude...plus, you’re not like the others. You wear your heart on your sleeves...I’m sure Nakata-chi, and Shiho-chi will tell you it’s a weakness, but, I don’t know...that’s why I wanted it to be with you,” he pauses, looking back up to me. “And, it’s only in my DNA to help people, Ken-chi. I’m the Ultimate Host, after all. It’s my job to make everyone satisfied--!” “Is it because you think there’ll be a killing soon?” I ask, and he smiles; it’s not sinister, but it confirms my suspicions. “Why?” “Mono-chi said he didn’t want to give out a motive yet because there’s a lot of tension right now...I don’t know how true that is, but, after watching Chie-chi and Tani-chi die, I realized I don’t want anybody else dying...the fact of the matter is, we need to find a way to make everyone happy and make everyone trust one another,” he pauses again, shaking his head. “I don’t know, Ken-chi, but you’re the same, right? That’s why I came to you -- the way you look at Rai-chi and Yuka-chi -- you don’t want anyone else to die, right?” I nod my head. “I--I don’t want anyone else do die. I don’t want anyone to feel betrayed or pained...but how do we do that? The last time we tried to do something like that, that night there was a killing.” “I don’t know, dude! I thought you might’ve been able to help me out! I was thinking I could charm up you and the girls and show you all a good time…” Please tell me that’s a joke. “...but, too tiring. I just don’t know what to do, dude!” ...in the end, you’re just trying to find the thing that takes the least amount of effort, aren’t you? “Why don’t you just talk it over with Saishi--” Before I could even think about finishing my sentence, Nakamoto claps his hands, and closes his eyes. “I got it!” “You got it?” He quickly grabs my wrist, and rises to his feet, dragging me up with him. “I got it, Ken-chi!” “W-What is it...?” “I’ll keep you updated, dude,” he says, opening the door to his room. “Okay, keep an eye out tomorrow, I’ll fill you in when I give the signal!” No matter what I said -- or what I’d try to say -- I get the feeling Nakamoto wouldn’t even bother listening to me, because before I could even say ‘bye’, he’d pushed me out of his room and closed the door behind him. “Well, okay then…” I mumble to no one in particular. I sigh, and turn back down the hallway to return to my room. The walk back to my room is short-lived, though, because as I pass Azama’s room, the door next to Satoshi’s open...and Shiomi wanders out. Shiomi, with his hair covering his eyes, his glasses in his right hand, closes his door behind him. “Ah, Shiomi--” Any hope I had to catch his attention vanishes as he turns to face me. His eye are hollow, his body is...unnaturally still -- almost as if he’s possessed, and, after making eye-contact with me for half a second, he turns away, and brainlessly walks in the opposite direction. ...I don’t know what to do. I want to run up to him. I want to give him a hug and tell him everything will be okay. I want to tell him I’m sorry...for not being able to save her. But, how could I do it? I...I don’t know if I’m ready to face him -- let alone apologize to him. It’s my fault though, right? In the end, it’s my fault. It has to be...cause, Tani reached out to Shiomi and I. I held him back. If we worked together, we could’ve saved her...couldn’t we? DING DONG BING BONG Huh? “Excuse me students, it is officially 10:00 P.M.! That means it’s nighttime! The water will turn off in a few minutes, and don’t forget to lock your doors! We wouldn’t want anyone dying tonight, would we? Puhuhuhu! Sleep tight!” Ah, is it already nighttime? I guess I should lock it up for today...but, will he be alright? “Sleep tight, Ken!” “Ah, you too, Saishi,” I yell back, and as he closes the door to his room, I too go back into mine. Locking the door behind me, I sigh as I collapse back onto my bed. I haven’t had the opportunity to be by myself since Tani’s trial...whether it be with Rai, Yuka, Nakata, or whoever, I was never left alone for more than an hour. I haven’t been able to think about everything that has happened so far and recollect myself… ...and it doesn’t look like it’s about to change. “I barely even noticed you there, Nakata.” “I’m a merc for a reason, Ken. Stealth is not my forte.” I look directly to my left and Nakata sits there crossed-legged, brushing her hair with my brush. “Be careful with that, you might end up with little strands of green hair in your head.” “I’m not too concerned.” “Figured.” I sit back up in my bed, and Nakata immediately turns to face me. I reach across to my dessor open my drawer, taking my wife-beater out, and sigh to myself. “Are you going to ask why I’m here?” “Oh, good idea,” I say, turning to face her. “Whatcha doin’ here?” She sets the brush aside, and I take my green jacket off. “I was just checking in on you, believe it or not.” “Really?” I ask, tilting my head -- she nods in response. “Why?” “My old squad had a policy -- an allegiance, if you will -- and that was that no matter what happened, your brothers and sisters -- the ones who fight beside you -- are the priority. If one dies, the rest of us mourn. If one becomes wounded, whether through psychological or physical injuries, they become the priority. As my brother-in-arm, I reserve the right to wonder how you are feeling.” My lips creep upward...all those fancy words that simply equate to, ‘I was worried about you’, got me feeling all warm inside all of a sudden. Oh how I would love nothing more than to pour my heart out to Nakata. It would be such a weight lifted off my shoulders, but... “I’m fine, Nakata.” ...I, more than anyone, should know not to do that. “Are you sure, Ken?” she asks, rising from my bed. I nod. “Promise.” She nods, too. “Then, I’ll see you in the morning for training.” With those parting words, Nakata left my room, closing the door behind her, and I instantly locked it...I don’t need anymore interruptions. After taking my contacts out and changing into my pajamas, I find myself back in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Now isn’t the time to be upset or to wallow in my own emotions. There are too many mysteries surrounding this place...and furthermore, no leads. There’s an extra student hiding in this school somewhere? Who is keeping us captive here? Why hasn’t help come? Will Shiomi be okay? Why is lying in Rai’s arms so comforting? Who is going to kill next -- who will be their victim? ...is it possible to stay emotionally sane throughout this entire process? I’m used to being bullied -- being an afterthought. I was only just getting used to dealing with something as horrible as my mom’s sickness and the side-effects that came with it...but I’m not close to being prepared for what’s to come. Betrayal. Death. Despair. I’ve never had to feel the wrath of these things...but, with what has happened, and with what will happen to us in the future…I’m going to have to learn. Category:Anguish & Desire Category:Anguish & Desire Chapters